If youve gone through a life time of pain, trauma, victimization & abuse, & today because of it you have?

The answer is up to you. If you believe in yourself, others will believe in you. Think of the people who survived concentration camps to live a useful life. I hope you're receiving help to solve your problems. You may never be able to completely let go of the past, but you can put it aside as something dead and gone, so that you can go on with a new, productive life.